Tuesday, October 23, 2012

When Plans Change.

Hi everyone, 

I know many of you have been waiting anxiously to hear from me or from a member of my family. The past couple of weeks since posting my initial letter has been overwhelming to say the least and has definitely shown me that I am surrounded by an amazing community of people who love me, support me and want more than anything to see me beat this thing.

In my last letter, I think I wro
te that it may have been the hardest thing I've ever written. Well, tonight, as I sit here at the computer, I am again challenged to find just the write words and sentiment.

I received an email tonight from the Toronto Transplant Centre that acknowledged the very hard decision to attempt to save someone's life when there are no facts, no case studies, no basis for telling what the outcome will be. Unfortunately, as a team, they have decided that this risk is too great and that they can not proceed with the transplant as we had hoped.

To say my family and I are devastated is an understatement. I wasn't sure I would be able to write everyone tonight, but the truth is, at the moment I just feel numb.

I don't know how to begin to express my gratitude for those who stepped forward, got their blood tested, answered and submitted their forms. Friends old and new, extended family, strangers. You are truly angels in my mind. Thank you seems insufficient. Without having to go through major surgery, you have given me a great gift - a belief in the goodness of humankind.

I do not know what is next and I wouldn't dare to speculate.

I thank everyone who read my story, shared it, tweeted it, told people about it, sent me a message of encouragement and positivity. You gave me great hope. You give me great hope.

I learned a lot about transplant in this process. I learned that Canadians sadly can't hold their heads too high on this one. Too many people needlessly die waiting for an organ. If in the last couple weeks I have made just one person think about joining the donor registry, well, I will feel good about the life their organs may one day save.

I go to bed with huge sadness in my heart. I am sure it will be there tomorrow too. I suppose there is comfort knowing that a community around the world will share that sadness with me.

To good health.

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